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A Secret Journal
A Secret Journal;

Welcome to my blog! I pour my heart and thoughts here randomly~ Sooo, pardon my words anywaaayyss ^^


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A Secret Journal created in last September, and this blog started on April 3rd, 2010. Owner is myself ♥

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© September 2014
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Heeyy guyss! I'm back for a longlonglong time I didn't appear  I have so maaannyy storiess to tell but yeah, I'm not sure if I will tell you all of them. All I know is, I'm so down right now   I need my old life. I did some mistakes. i just ended up with my boyfriend. that's was a terrible thing. he means everything to me  yepp, everything. the very first problem is, he doesn't like what he used to do when i'm cranky. on Saturday 13th Oct, berarti hari ini tepat 1 minggu sudah berlalu, last week, he's so freakin damn busy and i understand. when the night comes, biasanya sih dia tanya2 "ga kluar ta?" or "beb kluar yuk" or "beb ga kluar ya?" or anything else lah. but he didn't ask anything like that, after he helped his father, he just text me and ask "babe, can i go out to PTC?" like wtfff! i've been waiting you today for you to just take a break or rest so i can talk to you with a relaxed butt... and yeah, in that day i was so alone from 5pm 'til 11pm i guess. kinda homealone. i wanna tell him but akunya udah males, stidak nya dari dia sendiri gitu kek yang tanya ato setidak nya dia ga buat aku resentful ya I'll tell him. then he was angry when i said okay, take care he replied no! I'll stay at home yah gitu dah. i forgot what's happened after that, all i know we don't even chat or talk 'til nights. biasanya, kalo bbm cmn aku read, dia itu pingping ga jelas dan tanya aku kenapa. tapi kali ini engga  karena waktu itu akunya sebel and emosi, terucap sudah kata-kata kotor di status bbm. yang aslinya itu emosi juga perkara orang rumah lama pulangnyaa!! suasana bener-bener dah malem itu. and he knows i updated that dirty status, he ask what's happening babe? and i answered nothing dear he replied oh, okay just that? wtf?! lil bit broken for explain the real story here, mess inside  and  the thing that gets me more angrier is, when the next day is sunday means he accompany his dad to Malang for weddings. geez i was thinking, it's worst to see you're busy without remember me just for tell me what's happening. at 2pm if i'm not mistaken, he bbm me not sleep hun? but i was asleep. then i replied his bbm in the morning. but i forgot like wtf, i forgot what i bbm, i just remember he replied, i don't know dear *set the worried face in emoticon* i just read his bbm and wipe my blackberry. but when i wipe, he didn't invite me at all 'till now. on mon or tue or wed, i forgot, i text him, forget everything. forget anything. blahblah i also forgot what i texted HAHA cuz i already deleted the message. and again, he didn't replied at all. i was tired, but i still want to be with him even i'm tired, i'm bored, i almost die with him, i still want him to be by my side. what am i supposed to do if there's no more him in my life?  

ohkayy, day by day passed, we just like people who don't know each other at school. emang sih dia and I terkenal pasangan yang sering putus nyambung. tapi don't know why, aku ngerasa for this time we will never ever getting back together heard like song title btw haha ohkay. gabisa dipungkiri kalo, he means everything to me cuz everything he did to me. everything i do always reminds me of you. seriously i mean it. i have plan, the plan is, when he's not busy anymore, maybe in monday, i'll talk to him for the last time to make sure what he wants for our relationship. but, in last friday night, he caught me with my guy friend waktu mau nganter barang ke rumahnya si dia. ada urusan sama sisternya gitu. omg i don't know why when i found him, my heart just beats so damn fast and feel so guilty  but i try to face everything with a smile and no worries. geez, what should i do? i'm not strong enough to see him with another girl. but i'm sure, for sure, trully sure, start on monday i'll slowly die inside, i'll more messy, cuz maybe start on next monday, he will get revenge or maybe make me crumble, with every way, he'll messy me up. God, gimme more strenght. i'm scared to lose him. but the scariest thing is, if he don't love me anymore. God, just gimme strenght. gimme power. gimme energy. please. i beg you. believe it or not, i'm crying now. i mean, almost cry.  i can't imagine how i go through my days without you by my side. all the promises, will die. so do i.

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