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A Secret Journal
A Secret Journal;

Welcome to my blog! I pour my heart and thoughts here randomly~ Sooo, pardon my words anywaaayyss ^^


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A Secret Journal created in last September, and this blog started on April 3rd, 2010. Owner is myself ♥

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© September 2014
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this is what i mean broken heart


what will i do now? he really poisoned me! but i will try to forget it all quickly. someday, i will forget him. somewhere i will find the way that make me more better than now. somehow, i must DELETE him from all of my mind. but i can't x( I CAN'T!! oh GOD, please.. please let me forget him. and help me to covering my sadness TT i just can say please to You God :( You're so kind, You're the one i pray to, and You're my everything lah. so please, gimme another way except this way. i won't get hurt always, i wanna change my life become better than now. just help me, Godd~

i realize something, that you're different. i know im too idiot for you, i know im too stupid damn shit to youu, but so hard to realize that im hurt you easly and softly :( i never know it, cos you just says: "it's okay, i can understand" how will i know if you said like that? first i left you full day without texting or something, just because i wanna play audition with friends. i know it, and i feel so stupid in that day. after play you said "please ask me first if you want to play like this day" then i really feel sorry for him. i promise to ask him first. second day, i gamin again, but i already ask him. he said "yeah, that's okay. if you already finish your gaming, text me :)" and i think no prob with second day. the third day, my mom woke me up and ask me to bath hurry. then she asked "i must tgt work. hbu? stay at kost? or join with me?" i answer "not both. i wanna gaming. drive me there" mom said "ok" then i saw my phone on LOWBATT! oh please.. so quickly i texted him to ask. and told him that my phone really lowbat, i will texted you if im home. he said fine. but i think.. umm.. nvm, i can't understood him anymore TT i want hold you but you won't hold me. so i think if i still want to hold you, its really foolish!

me, just a girl. im, just a little girl. that always doing something bad to you, all i do is hurting you *maybe, i think..* im a girl, always try to hold our relationship. but from you? you never mind it. if we've prob you cleared it with SADending. why? or you didn't want to be the first of us to clear the prob. sometimes i think about you again, i realize that im too foolish. a girl wanna hold the boy but the boy won't to hold the girl. i cant explain how, but thats what i feel now ><" how to forget him, who already take it from me and make me can't stop thinking about it and want it again and again. you're my poison >:( and i must fix it. you're too in the point babe and no attempt. uhh REALLY FEEL LIKE SHIT YOU KNOW?! but i believe something, if you can forget me easly im really trully sure that i will forget you easly too. but i still thinking that its so HARD T.T your principle like shit shit shit! i never believe that you will said that easly x( okay, fact, im crying now in the night. just because i story this and now im alone. no one will know that i cry T.T about your mom its okay, but if you trully love me, the condition will not like this x'( really i can't bear my tears, idk why this fucking tears suddenly out from my little eyes x( after type "your principle like shit shit shit! blah blah" i cry then easly wow ahahahh fucking annyoying me la~ thats so hurtttt! i won't it happened but all have been happened. i think maybe ILL FEEL that whatta you feels. you said you'll love me just the way i am, and i love you just the way you are too. but where your evidence? dont just say and didn't do. fck! aaahhh if we haven't any sweet memories, i will forget you easly! now i just confusing what the way will i take. still hold you or forget you. after your friend told me something bad, it really make me won't to hold you dude. i won't to hold you but i cant TT  i still want to hold youu! what i feels now just confused :( i wanna share this feels to someone but who? no one that i can trust to.

well, i think its enough. i want to forget youu. i'll try to NEVER hoping for you to back, like your principle. ahh really hard x( to thinking about this i wanna cry T.T always! whoaaah!! some boys invite me to join with them to hangout together, i still can't accept. i must think twice for it. well, honestly.. 50% i want to back with him and 50% i want to forget him. just pray for me to forget him xx although thats so hard i really know, but how can we prove it if we not to try it? :') someone please make me smile and keep it for a long TT uhh, okay i'll share about this prob again soon :) pray for me all, never give up and spiriittt!!! yeah hahah!

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