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A Secret Journal
A Secret Journal;

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A Secret Journal created in last September, and this blog started on April 3rd, 2010. Owner is myself ♥

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© September 2014
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10 ways you [won't] get your ex back

I got this post from tumblr and i just wanto re-share enjoy~

Submitted by Tiary: Official Creator, Guru, Advice Columnist, and Photographer

Everyone desperately tries to find the perfect answer.
The perfect remedy. The perfect cure.
Whether the breakup pierced your soul yesterday, or two years ago, we all have a common ground.
Just how in the world do we get our ex back?!?! or How do we get over him!?!?
I can’t tell you the perfect answer, unfortunately.
What I can tell you is what the answer is not.
Breakups are tough. Most everyone can agree with that.
However, so many people make the mistake of trying to take matters into their own hands, obsess over rekindling the fire, and do everything possible that inevitably pushes the ex further away. Don’t be one of those people. Don’t end up bringing more pain and heartbreak upon yourself.
So while you wait for the perfect list of things that will either get you over your ex or win him back over, take a look at this one.
Here’s a few things you should avoid doing:
  1. Don’t try proving to him how much you love and care for him, how he’s made a big mistake, and how you deserve to be with him.
You shouldn’t have to prove your love to anyone, and if you wait patiently and don’t settle for less than you deserve, you’ll find the person who will recognize your love for him (and reciprocate it back) without you having to constantly prove it to him.
Love is a feeling that must be felt. plain and simple.

     2. Don’t make yourself so available.
Showing up to every basketball game, purposely walking past him in the hallways in school, and still calling him every afternoon will do nothing but push him away even more.
Most guys like mystery, and when you eliminate yourself from his life (rather than always popping up out of the blue) he’ll wonder about you more.
He’ll start wondering how you’re doing, who you’re with, and why you don’t come around as much.

    3. Don’t be so dependent on him.
A woman should be able to handle her own, with or without a man. Often women both suffocate and frustrate a man when they’re so dependent on him.
You shouldn’t be so dependent on a man that the break up is the end of your life, because honestly, life goes on. 
And it always will.

    4. Don’t beg your ex to come back to you.
This can cause the ex to lose respect for you, and you’ll end up feeling even worse if the ex doesn’t hear you out.
Besides, you’re a lot better and worth a lot more than that! If you really have to settle for begging someone to be with you, imagine how that makes you look!

     5. Don’t convince yourself that things will be better this time around.
There was obviously a reason that the relationship went sour, and if you couldn’t avoid the problems before the relationship ended, then chances are it’s done and over. While some people have re-entered a relationship successfully, a lot of others experience more pain, heartbreak and stress.  
It’s easy to become pre-occupied with trying so hard to do everything right and it becomes a task to avoid making the same mistakes that were made to cause all past problems.
This causes major stress on the individual and on the relationship.

      6. Don’t try to send your ex on a guilt trip.
Sending your ex on a guilt trip may get him back for a short period of time, but remember it doesn’t eliminate all the feelings and reasons he wanted to end the relationship in the first place…
and eventually those feelings will return, and you’ll be facing a break up again.
If you have to settle on this tactic, then you probably weren’t meant to be together anyway.

      7. Don’t try buying your ex’s love back.
This is one that I personally hate so much! You’re so much better than having to buy someone’s love!!
This sort of tactic can also cause your ex to lose respect for you, and it often makes you look pathetic or weak.
If you’re buying gifts for your ex, then you’re only wasting your own time and money… and often your ex will use you for the gifts anyway.
Save your time and money for yourself… or someone who deserves it!

     8. Don’t become obsessed with showing your ex how bad you feel about losing him.
This again goes back to begging him to stay, telling him why you deserve to be with him, being dependent on him..etc.
At the end of the day, you can only count on you.
You determine your own happiness, and if you were using this person to fill that hole for you, you were headed down the wrong path anyway.
Again, you shouldn’t have to prove your love or try forcing him/her back by making instilling feelings of guilt.

   9. Don’t result to your ex’s friends and family members.
At the end of the day, your ex’s happiness is determined by his own self. Not what his friends and family believe he should/should not do.

And most importantly….
  10. Don’t result to settling for a rebound!
This is probably one of the biggest mistakes that everyone makes.
Let me guess, you’ll make him jealous, right?
Well yes, this may be true but a rebound is only a temporary solution to a problem that may very well be permanent!
Think about it: How the hell would you feel if you found out you were a rebound?!?
How would you feel if you were falling for a guy and you find out that he’s still in love with his ex and was only using you to get over all those feelings and or/ make him/her jealous!?!?
Wouldn’t you feel like crap?
*Getting a rebound is only covering all the feelings that you still have for your ex.
They do not eliminate them.
You have to be mature and respectful enough to take the time off after a break up to get over all those feelings yourselfbefore you bring someone else into it.
You owe that much to your next love.
In a way, a rebound is a way of lying to the person you’re with.
You know good and well that you still have all these old feelings for your ex, so why are you using this person to get over that?
This person deserves to be with someone who can love him how he should be loved, and he just can’t get that if you’re still stuck on your ex.
And you need time to do that
Getting into relationships immediately following, prematurely, or before all the old feelings have faded can be a set-up for failure.
It can bring on new drama, pain, and heartbreak.
I was even guilty of this tactic myself and I ended up cheating on my new boyfriend with my ex that I was still in love with all along.
I wasn’t honest with myself. I had known where my heart belonged, and it wasn’t with the rebound.
Save yourself the extra drama. Avoid rebounds.
We may not have discovered the perfect remedy to getting over an ex, but there are things that you can definitely avoid in making the situation worse.
Read it. Think about it. Live it.
You deserve better.

peace, love, and inspiration;

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